Our First Moments Knowing

I wrote this post in secret before anyone found out our big news...

So when Will and I got married, he asked me when I would want to have kids. I said to ask me that question again on our 4th anniversary. Because I am a planner by nature. I wanted 4 solid years of marriage with no babies and no pregnancies. So we hit the 4th anniversary and Will actually asked me again. I said, “Let’s avoid having a Christmas baby...so let’s wait several months.” (Because I LOVE Christmas, and I just want our baby to have their own special time of year, and I just told you I’m a planner, so roll your eyes now if you feel so inclined)

So we kind of just took it easy throughout the summer. And by the end of July, I had a feeling I might be pregnant. Just noticed some of the signs. And when we went to Atlanta with Logan and Jill for the weekend, I absolutely knew I was pregnant. But I didn't speak a word to anyone. Not even Will. I just wanted to soak up the weekend and wait to get home.

On Monday, July 30th, Will woke up first and got in the shower. I snatched a test, ran to the other bathroom, took the test, and to my surprise/delight...it was POSITIVE. And then my heart started thumping. Like out of my chest. I snuck back in our room while he was in the bathroom shaving. He shaves the old school way, with a straight blade. So I knew he wouldn’t be coming out of the bathroom for a good 20 minutes (every time I say it takes 20 minutes, he rolls his eyes and says it doesn’t take that long). I went in the bathroom, stood beside him, and put my contacts in. He didn’t seem to notice that my hands were shaking like crazy. I tried to act as normal as possible, slipped out of the bathroom, and shut the door.

I dug a little something I had bought for this exact moment out of my closet. A little vintage Tennessee Vols jacket that reads, “I’m a little volunteer,” that I found on etsy. So I laid it out on his pillow, with the words face up, knowing he would come back to bed like he always does.

Chaco and I just laid in bed and waited. And waited. And waited. It seemed like an eternity. Chaco tried to chew on the jacket a couple times. (Please don’t be an omen for how he’ll feel about the baby!) I straightened it out and just waited. And waited. And waited. (And I thought the few minutes waiting on the test result felt long...)

I said my silent prayers of thankfulness. “God, thank you for this moment. For this moment of joy. For this moment of excitement. Bless this tiny tiny baby and watch over us. Teach us to be parents. Hold us close.”

Finally, Will came out of the bathroom.

He saw the jacket and read it. Read it again. Cocked his head. Read it again. Then he looked at me. I hope I always remember that big smile. His mouth dropped open and he waited for me to confirm what he was thinking.

All I could do was nod my head. Will just had the sweetest look on his face. Just a huge smile and that same exact look in his eyes like when he asked me to marry him. And when he said his vows. A sweet spark of joy just glowing. Then he hugged and kissed me. And we just basked in the moment.

And then Chaco took the jacket and started chewing on it again.

We had to go in to work, obviously. But now that we had this big secret, we needed to find a way to transition. So we went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast to celebrate!

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So, precious Baby Shinnick, know that you are loved already. In the first moments of knowing you were going to be, we were beyond excited and completely in love with you. You are a tiny work of creation made by our perfect and loving God. What a gift you are to us. Every moment of the day when you are on my mind, which is most of them, I think, “Thank you, God, for this moment of joy and this precious gift.”